How many times have you asked that over your phone? I am a Vodacom contract subscriber with subs varying between R 250 and R 1000 per month. I’ve been a Vodacom subscriber for 8 years and at this stage there is virtually no chance of me changing cellular networks in the near future.

The reason is simple. About two weeks ago I received a call on my mobile phone. I’m not fond of speaking on the phone at all and it takes special days, or a special mood, to get me to answer numbers I don’t know.

On this “fateful day” I did however. It was from one of SA’s cellular networks. This is a client’s blog, so I’d rather deter from mentioning the network’s name, but let’s just say if they’d ever did a test for me, I’d be inclined to give them a C.

After not listening to the guy’s introductory reading from his script my immediate question was why Company C would be calling me on my Vodacom number. It intrigued me to find out whether Vodacom would have the audacity to “sell” my number to other networks. I didn’t assume they would, but in this day and age, little would surprise me.

He assured me that they didn’t and that my number was in fact randomly generated by their computer system. [That’s nice to know, isn’t it?]

He then proceeded to pitch a contract that would “add value”, “save me money” and “complement my current contracts” to get the most mileage from my cellular experience.

I was confused. I asked him whether his company will be taking over or buying out my contracts with Vodacom. He said no. I would have to take out an additional contract with them which I could then use to make calls at other random hours that would somehow save me money.

Forrest Gump once said: “I’m not a smart man, but I do know what love is.” I felt a bit like Forrest. Not too smart. And not particularly in love with this guy either. I was confused, irritated and probably should’ve done what I usually do which is to summarily end the call without warning. I didn’t.

He went on and on about how his package would suit me and how I would be saving money from making calls outside of my contractual bundle. Eventually when I told him what my contracts were he came to the conclusion that his packages would probably not help me. No freakin’ kidding man!

I’m not a fan of cold calling. Receiving them or making them. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you aren’t either. But still, there are some individuals, companies or corporations out there that despite cursing, threatening and verbally assaulting people over the phone still put the same self practice into their marketing strategies.

Unsolicited e-mails. Cold sales calls with zero strategy behind them. I don’t think trying to persuade someone (random people) to take out a cellular contract on top of having a contract with another service provider is very clever.

Client retention is easier than converting new ones. Marketing 101 that is. Maybe sifting through YOUR current clients, establishing which of them are over spending on their contracts and then calling them with a pitch on how to save money would’ve sufficed.

I guess I’m naïve at thinking their prerogative was to get their clients (or their competitors’ clients) to actually save money.

I guess I should commend them for not trying to get me to win a BMW though…

“You walk into a restaurant and there they are, chatting on their mobile phones. You see them walking around the street, fancily dressed, mobile phone surgically attached to either the ear or hand. You see them driving like Miss Daisy in the fast lane, mobile phone neatly positioned over the right earlobe.

You’re watching the Rugby World Cup Final, tense as hell, and they’re discussing the latest sale at MAC. You can’t hear a word the commentator is saying, let alone concentrate on the big hits, fluent passing and elegant scoring. All you can hear is the beating your credit card will be taking again this weekend.“

Some unfortunate men would firmly agree with the above two paragraphs. While I am exaggerating a bit, I maintain that the female market, especially the younger upcoming professionals, are very active mobile phone users and therefore puts them firmly in the mobile marketing segment.

I think what annoys me most, and that includes most women I know, are these phony, scientific garble that the big brands have placed on our television screens these days. It irates me to think that they spend so much on these 30 second commercials just to give you some sort of probiotic formula that miraculously adds 4x thickness or length to your lashes.

I have yet to see one woman gasp for air, flailing her arms about and exclaiming to her girl friend: “Gosh Molly, maybe it’s…” In fact, do you think you’re really worth it when most of these ads look like some sort of generic clone from one big brand to another?

Look, it’s evident that all these products come highly supported by the fabulous women that use it. Sometimes I even get why women make such a big deal of their cosmetics. I just sometimes wonder how different the cosmetic arena would be if you’d find a brand that will rewrite the obviously recycled marketing plan and speak to each woman individually.

If you use certain products exactly to the manufacturer’s specifications, it’s seriously alarming how accurate these product runs are. Imagine a quick sms to your girlfriend about a week prior to her infallable foundation runs out, reminding her to repurchase said item so not to have a red lobster on face day?

Imagine even the sms having a unique code, giving 15% less on all products if she spends a couple of hundred rands or more. [Dude, if you have a joint chequing account, that’s your problem]

Imagine having a client base of thousands of women digitally begging you for information on product samples, new releases, special offers, networking possibilities, competitions and what not?

Cosmetics and mobile phones, for some unexplained reason, go hand in hand with women. It’s about time these fashion powerhouses, retailers and distibutors realise this, don’t you think?

As a man, I would only want the most convenient way for a lady to spend her money.

Because to me, she’s really worth it.